What songs should your condoms play?

A reader sent Give me the link to this story about musical condoms in Ukraine (thanks Robert!), which were actually announced over a year ago (according to other bloggers, who linked to this story and its nice list of charts and songs in February 2005 ). but they are still fun:

Ukraine – A Ukrainian scientist has invented a condom that plays music during sex, Korrespondent magazine reported yesterday.

Hryhory Chausovsky developed the contraceptive device as a novelty and as an aid to more pleasurable lovemaking, he said.

A miniature speaker and motion sensor implanted in the top of the condom provide a variety of musical tones during sexual intercourse. The volume of the music depends on the intensity of lovemaking and the tone varies depending on the sexual position. [more…]

They compare the sound to early cell phone ringtones, not Bose surround sound systems. And it got me thinking… what tunes would make sense, given the limitations of sound quality?

Carry! (for starters; you’ve heard it at baseball games: doo doo doo doot do dooooo LOAD!)

The flight of the bumblebees (for quickies)

Canon in D (for romantic lovemaking)

Moonlight Sonata (for the sad sex)

Your Cheatin’ Heart (for illicit sex)

I don’t know if I’d bother with a musical condom unless one came along and we tried it just for fun, but I like the sense of fun that underlies this invention.

And while searching unsuccessfully for a store that sold musical condoms (rather than novelty condoms that play music but don’t prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases), I learned about “TheyFit” custom-made condoms, something I need investigate.