Attention attention seekers! He Great Web Mother has seen fit to direct one of her millions of approving eyes in your direction, and has spawned a series of sites designed to make it even easier for you to degrade yourself by the attention you don’t receive from the people closest to you. you. YouTube, Google Video, and related sites have revived vaudeville, then stabbed him in the neck with the sharp shards of a broken energy drink can, kicked him in the ribs, and left him on stage writhing for the amusement of millions. And you can be part of it!
But what to do? If he had any talent or vision, he wouldn’t have needed to wait for venture capitalists to give him an audience. Entertainment bullies have been roaming from house to house, dragging anyone who shows the slightest glimmer of ability to sing, dance or tell jokes and imprisoning them in “Reality Gulags” awaiting their appearance and subsequent evisceration on cable television. . So the fact that you are sitting comfortably and reading this indicates that you have nothing to offer.
But that’s okay, the genius of video sites is that they allow people who have nothing to offer to go ahead and offer it anyway. Don’t you have any ideas? It’s okay, you just need one and I’ll shove it in your face like smelling salts in an Edwardian drama: make a music video!
Remember that guy who became famous by making funny faces while lip-syncing? Do you remember those two guys who became famous doing the same thing? Remember the 10,000 people who turned on their webcam and did it too? There’s a word we use when thousands of sad people imitate each other in a desperate attempt to impress by doing something essentially unimpressive: community. These people are your community. Feel warm now.
The best thing about music videos is that you’re standing on the shoulders of reasonably talented people. People like to listen to music, and if they’re willing to sit through a catchy song, you may be convinced that you’re the star! And if you’re a young woman with a tendency to push the boundaries of YouTube’s terms of service when it comes to nudity, you might be right.
I don’t have any tips for making a live music video, because you don’t need any. Just act like an idiot and move your lips at about the same time as the lyrics and you’re done. Not gold as in “golden record” or even “golden star.” More like “golden retriever.”
