Google’s mantra is “Don’t be evil,” which, as corporate slogans say, is the equivalent of “Build an eternal bonfire in the parking lot and fuel it with thousand-dollar bills and the occasional Gutenberg Bible.”
The global market for evil is stratospheric, and Google is uniquely positioned to take advantage of it. They’ve made some faltering progress in China, but economists (many of whom are evil) estimate that if Google completely abandoned its inefficient policy, it could capture 38 percent of the evil market. That’s more than Microsoft and Lindsay Lohan combined. These are just a few of the many ways Google could provide cutting-edge, convenient, and extremely wicked services.
Google Torture
Sure, Google provides access to almost all public information on the web, but what about the data people? they are not willing to share? Google could improve its main search engine by deploying thugs and/or thugs to extract information from people, from the location of their valuables to interesting sports trivia. Finally, you can search for terms like “why did my neighbor come home at 3 am all last week” and expect to get real answers.
Google Murder
Why pay a lot of money for a professional hitman when an amateur will do it for a few dollars and a good alibi? Google could leverage the technology behind Google Answers to pair amateur killers with those seeking to eliminate a business rival or key witness. While high-level murderers have all kinds of overhead and pass the costs on to you, Google Murder could put you in touch with sociopaths who were thinking of going on a rampage anyway and who would be willing to shoot up the office building or the motel from your house. your choice for a reasonable fee.
Google Blackmail
YouTube and Flickr are tough competitors in the world of user-provided content, but they are hampered by terms of service that discourage the most profitable content of all: incriminating evidence. Google could use the code behind Google Video to allow users to upload sleazy videos and insensitive photos and set them to display after a reasonable period of time if the ransom is not paid. If the victim pays, Google gets a cut. If the ransom is not paid and evidence of degradation and betrayal is made public, all win!
